Edena’s Letter: Adieu

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 Oh Mom!

I was so scared after I saw Suki’s letter. I mean who does something so crazy? I met Avyaan today and he was fine. Not that we ever have any heart to heart discussions. He was not discernibly disturbed. I think if she went ahead with the discussion, he obviously, comfortably, chose her. I am relieved they are still together. Not once did I expect it to be otherwise. Why would he choose me?


Today, in the library, he asked all of us for movie. He, then, messaged a girl from our class asking if she wanted to go, too. She promptly said yes. I started giggling because a thought ran in my head. Being the child he is, Avyaan started pestering me with the reason for my giggling. I gave in and said that she said yes so promptly because she thought it was a date with just two of them. He said, “How could she? She knows about Suki.” I replied, “She does but you can never bridle the secret expectations that one has.”


The conversation that ensued perturbed me. He said, “Do you think Suki would be fine if I went for a movie alone with a good friend who is a girl?”


I had no idea what to say to that. Was he testing me? I kept quiet and returned to my book, pretending I didn’t hear him and praying he lets it go. He asked again, “Tell me.”


I replied, “Every relationship is different. I don’t know the dynamics you share.”


I knew their dynamics. She wouldn’t have liked it one bit, especially if it were me, by her own admission.


He said, “Should I lie to Suki if I do that?”


It was a rhetorical question, of course. We both knew what he was trying to say. It meant from now onwards we both would not be going out, unless there is a third person. It meant he won’t lie to her and the best way to avoid lying is to not do what makes Suki uncomfortable.


I should be happy about the fact that my best friend is such a considerate human being. He is going to give his relationship all he can offer. Now that he has made the choice and made it clear to Suki that he loves her, isn’t he right in doing all this to make her at ease? 


A little part of me got chipped away. I am hurt. It could be because he chose her over me but was I ever in the running? What difference would it make? Nothing. He is happy with Suki and I am going to be his friend from a distance. I think it will take time, but I can live with that. After all, I want him to be happy and not miserable. 


I am also planning to go back home and I am thinking that will make things much easier for me. He won’t notice for sure. The Christmas vacations are about to start. I am planning not to return. I am planning not to tell him about it. I was afraid to tell him a goodbye. I feared I will be sad and it will be evident. His reaction would break my heart. If he were indifferent, I would have cried. If he was sad, I would cry even more. So I decided no goodbyes! 


Today, as I was sitting in the car and I wished him well, I told him, “See you next year! Adieu!” I lied. I might not see him next year. However, he stopped in his tracks and stood there stunned, trying to process what had happened. 


I want to think it is because he will miss me but that isn’t true, right? He chose Suki. 


Am I wrong, mom?


Love,

Edena


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