Letter to Edena

 Dear Edena,

I, honestly, do not know where to begin. Last time I wrote a letter was for my school assignment. I battled with the thought of telling you everything in person but it seemed better to leave you this letter so that you read it alone. 

When Avyaan first told me about you, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. Not a lot but I was. Could have been because we had just started dating and he had to move. He ended up becoming friends with you so soon that I almost thought I would be forgotten. But to his credit, he didn’t let a day pass by where he didn’t make me feel special. He made sure distance was just something temporary. I had no complaints. He might have sensed that his friends made me envious so he curtailed the discussions about you all. 

When I decided to surprise him and you offered to let me stay with you, I liked you immediately. All my inhibitions seemed to have gone out the window. You are genuinely the most benevolent person I have known. During my entire stay you made me feel like I was your own family. I’ve never liked a person this fast this soon. 

You stayed with your friend for a week so that you could give me and Avyaan space in your own home. I mean, who does that for a stranger? Well, technically, you are Avyaan’s friend but that’s the biggest gesture you could have shown. I have thanked you but it just doesn’t seem enough. You are a precious girl, Edena! A gem and I am so glad Avyaan has a friend like you.

I can thank you individually for all the sweet gestures you made but I do not know them all. I do, however, know some things, like you got the groceries delivered at the doorstep every alternate day and planned our dates every evening. Yes, I know! Avyaan is sweet but I do know his limitations by now. I know you helped him and, I suspect, in fact, you did most of the things on your own. I am so grateful for it all!

Last evening, when we all had dinner and drinks, I felt so welcomed because you made me feel comfortable. I especially liked that Avyaan sat next to me but on the other side you were there, too. He was so afraid that I would feel awkward with his friends that he kept asking me during the day if he should cancel. It was funny because I had butterflies in my stomach and was willing to cancel it but then, your message reassured me that I won’t be feeling out of place. Indeed, I didn’t! Thank you for that, Edena!

I might be jumping my bounds but I do have to share something with you. I saw in your eyes that you care for Avyaan as much as I do! I hate to admit it but it’s true. Avyaan made it a point that he didn’t reciprocate it in front of me but I did notice that he cares for you equally. He doesn’t share food and drinks with anyone. He does that with you. He makes sure you are taken care of. When you got a little drunk yesterday, he made sure we dropped you back. He hasn’t done that with any other friend before. Don’t worry! He didn’t leave my side at all. He was there for me but was equally concerned for you. It is a sweet thing in a guy to care for others and I would have appreciated it had I not known how perfect you are. I don’t want to pass any invidious comment or insinuate that you people are having something inappropriate. It could be only friendship but honestly, I am jealous. Perhaps, it’s nothing but I really thought you should know that he does care for you, though, he doesn’t show. He keeps pulling your leg and you have a fun banter. He does try to infuriate you by making snide comments about how bad you are and how Neha is much better company. Trust me! He doesn’t mean it a bit. I feel he is trying to veil his feelings. 

God! You must be thinking, I am so ungrateful! I am trying to fabricate unnecessary stories in my head. I am sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you. Frankly, I am just sharing my own thoughts with you. 

I don’t know if Avyaan has told you that we decided that we aren’t going to get serious but I think I do like him a lot. He seems to like me, too. But, now, I fear, had he met you before me, would we have been still together? Nonetheless, I have had one rule in life: I cannot make people stay and so, if they stay, it’s love; if they don’t, we move on. 

I haven’t shared anything about this with Avyaan. Maybe after I reach back home, I will speak to him. No matter what happens between Avyaan and me, I want you to know, Edena, don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault. You are a gem! A precious friend of Avyaan and, I hope, me, now. 

I didn’t send you a message because then you would have instantly read it and talked me out of it. It’s not what I want. I want you to read this and keep it to yourself. Don’t message me clarifying things. I really don’t have any questions or aspersions against you. I just need Avyaan’s honest reply. You would know his response if we breakup. If we don’t, then I would be the happiest person in the world for having won love and a friend.

If we breakup, please take care of Avyaan. He is going to need his best friend. Even if it’s all in my head, my insecurities are a cause of what happens next, not you.

Once again, I thank you for being such a beautiful person inside out. I sincerely hope that we can stay friends. 

Lots of love!

Suki