Silliest Act: Sam #1

"What is the silliest thing you have done?", she asked and everyone directed their focus to me.

I laugh because I exactly know what it is but there is no way I am going to tell them. I have to come up with the second silliest thing. I cannot abandon this game now. Everyone is looking at me. I say, "I do silly things all the time. The silliest was when I had drinks to stop my best friend from having any." They all look confused so I elaborated my story. I say, "She was already drunk and I didn't want her to have any more. I never had alcohol before, so I thought I would be able to handle myself because I am usually a sane person. She had ordered last two shots of the evening. I thought I would have those and she wouldn't know because she was so drunk. What I didn't realise was, what looked like water tasted like fire and burned my insides. I quickly gulped them down while she was scrambling through her purse. I was fine for first ten minutes but the time after that is all a blur. Next day, I saw a bunch of pictures with a few waiters on my phone. One of our batch-mates was luckily around and she dropped us to our flat."

They all laugh and Neha finally says, "Who does that? When you haven't had alcohol ever, what insanity would prevail over you to have her drinks and expect to not be drunk?"

I smile in embarrassment. They all then spin the bottle. I start to contemplate my answer. It is good that I have a bunch of silly incidents available at the drop of the hat because the silliest is too real to accept. It is a face that flashes before my eyes and I push it way down to avoid confronting it. 

As the game moves forward, I excuse myself from the group. I head to the restroom. I check the time. It is 9:30pm. We have been at this rooftop cafe since 7. We decided for this colleague get-together because our team had just completed a project successfully. They are all married and older. They all know each other for at least 5 years now. I have just been promoted a year back and this is the first project we completed together. They all are a little tipsy from the drinking. I don't drink and they are all fine with the fact. They think I am child anyway. I am the youngest. Honestly, I am not that young. I am 26 and they all are between 29-32 years. It's just that I haven't known them in social settings. 

While walking to the restroom area, I look over my shoulder and smile at how happy they are. It is just then that I hear someone say, "Hey! Watch your step, Lady!" I quickly look ahead and come to a halt. I try to gain awareness of my surroundings. I am just a centimetre away from a guy holding two beer mugs. I smile at averting another silly incident. I could have have been drenched in beer had he not stopped at the right moment. I immediately say, "I am sorry!" I look up and see a smiling face. It looks familiar. He is quite tall. I am 5'3" and so he must be a 5'11" or 6'. He has brown eyes. I can tell even in the yellow dimmed lights of the cafe. He has a curved smile. It goes to the left more than to the right. He says, "Its okay!" and walks away.

Suddenly, I know who he is. It's the face I tried to bury deep down. My silliest act from years back. My eyes trace his steps as he sits with a bunch of guys. I notice the bar is just to my right and I sit on the bar-stool. I know my colleagues cannot see me here. I can see him. It all starts coming back.

9 YEARS BACK

I had just moved away from my parental home to pursue my graduation in Business Administration. Everything was new and initially, I was afraid of everything. I made many friends and the feeling went away within a week. I used to walk to my accommodation from college. During the first week, one day, I was walking back home and talking to my parents on phone when suddenly a man (dressed in all black formal attire) passing right across the street from me, sneezed. The sneeze was so loud almost everyone turned around to look at him. Everyone was startled and some laughed to brush it aside. They all continued with their lives but I couldn't move. The guy who sneezed didn't look up but smiled in embarrassment and continued to walk slowly. I noticed him. I couldn't walk away. He looked like a movie star to me. He was the most handsome creature I had ever seen in my life. I told my parents. They laughed at how silly I sounded. After he had disappeared in the streets, I continued my journey to my accommodation. 

NOW

It is him that I see today. I described him as VK to my friends. I never knew his name. I just felt like he could be someone cool to have a Kapoor surname and some classy name starting with V. I always thought his name should start with a V- like, Vance, Victor, Vince, Vaman and Virat. Oh! How I'd love it to be Virat! It was just an imagination and I always knew it would be far from reality. 

I slowly get up and walk to the restroom. I splash some water on my face. The last I saw him was 7 years back, knowing fully well, I won't see him again. But here he is. I splash some more water as there is a deluge of memories coming back.

8 YEARS BACK

VK takes some course at the University. I do not know which course. I have been following him around to the library. Unfortunately, I have never been able to follow him to his class because I don't know the timings and perhaps, I have my own classes during those hours. He comes to the common library of the University most days at 3pm. There is no fixed schedule and so I come to library everyday at 2:45pm; even Saturdays and Sundays. I take a seat closer to the entrance. I see him most days. He doesn't even notice me. I didn't want him to, either, because he would have freaked out. He usually stays till 6 or 7 and so do I. He then walks out and meets his friends. I assumed they all went to eat dinner from there. I never followed him when he was with his friends. I didn't want them to notice me. 

Looking at him was the highlight of my day. It somehow brought me joy. All my friends knew. The guys I dated knew about him because going to the library was a ritual. Following him to the library and staying only did me good. My grades were great.

NOW

My colleague walks in from behind. I smile at her. She asks, "Sam? Are you ok? You have been gone a long time. I hope we didn't offend you in any way!" She sounded genuine. I reply, "Not at all, Neha! I am perfectly well. The day has been really long. I just needed to splash some cold water on my face."

She replies, "Oh great! We thought you got weirded out by us oldies." She lets out a chuckle and I move my head in denial. She then says, "Come out! We are planning to play one last round and then leave." I smile and say, "Just in a minute!"

She leaves and I move to get a paper towel from the dispenser. Memories come back again.

7 YEARS BACK

I scored well all three years but a final presentation of my thesis didn't go well. I sat in my department common hall sulking. My friends tried to cheer me up but I really wanted to be alone. I asked them all to leave for lunch as sadness overpowered any other need for nourishment. I looked at the time in my watch. It was 3:30pm. I should be in the library by now but I didn't want to. Besides, to what end. VK might not be there. I open my phone gallery and look at VK's picture. I have tears.

For past 6 months, VK has been walking in to our department building at around 1pm. A girl from one of the other management course meets him here. They must be dating, I presume. I believe, they have lunch together and then he goes to the library at 3pm most days. I saw him everyday at the end of the stairs waiting for her. I stood there with my friends as long as he stood there alone. My friends knew and they never objected. As soon as she came, we left. 

One day, I asked one of my guy friends to take his picture from my phone clandestinely. My plan wasn't successful because VK noticed and looked right into the camera. He freaked out but then when my friend handed me the phone, he smiled. Well! The cat was out of the bag. He knew then. Since then, he started noticing us all. He entered into the library with a smile. He never looked directly at me but he knew I was his audience. 

I am sure he dated. I never felt jealous when he walked around with other girls. He was way out of my league. I am a body positive person and looks don't mean anything to me. Yet, his looks mattered to me. I, definitely, wouldn't stand a chance.

That day, sitting in the common hall, looking at his picture for the first time a thought occurred to me- if I ever approached him, we might go out on a date but it would be a pity date. I look nothing like his beautiful girlfriends.

As I was looking at his picture, he walked into the department common hall. His eyes were searching for someone. He was walking quite slowly. I thought he must be looking for that girl. I haven't seen her today. Our presentations ended at 2 and her classes get over at 1. I check the time again. Its 3:45pm. I start to wonder why he isn't at the library. Does he come here those days when he is not at the library? I look up from my watch and we have eye contact. His eyes light up. I am confused. I am still sad from the bad presentation I had. I think I still have tears because his looks shifts into confusion and pity. I look down, realising I cannot have him see me cry. 

He stood there for a few seconds and left. I start looking at the picture again. I think he finally went to find her. After a few minutes, he walks in again, with a girl this time. I think I have seen her before with him but she is not the girl he is, presumably, dating right now. He stops a little behind her and she walks towards me and smiles. I force a smile while wiping away a tear that had trickled down my cheek. She stops a little away from me and mouths, "Are you okay?" I simply nod and smile genuinely this time. She turns behind and gives him a thumbs up with both her thumbs. He widens his eyes in embarrassment and turns around. I let out a small laugh knowing he cared. It was a humane thing to do. I liked that a lot.

She turns to me again and asks in a whisper, "Do you want to talk?" 

I reply in a whisper, "No. Its okay. Just a bad presentation had me down. I am good. Thanks. Bye."

I get up and leave. She smiles and walks back to him. I turn around and see him. Her back is towards me but he is facing me. He can see me. He smiles in a knowing way. I blush, turn back and walk away. That was the last I saw him. My course ended. I stopped going to the library because towards the end semester, we all started having group studies at a friend's place. I only went to college on exam days. 

NOW

That was the silliest thing I did. I should have spoken to his friend. Asked his name or course or anything at all. I should have done more. I was crazy for him. Just knowing him a little more would have meant a lot. I decide to walk out of the restroom. VK is here but his story ended long time back. He certainly doesn't remember me.

I walk out of the restroom. He is still on his table with his friends. They are laughing their hearts out. I continue towards my table but every few seconds I take a look at his table.

I finally reach my table, my colleagues are all drunk by now. They are all happy. I like the vibe. Finally, Neha says, "She is here. Let's get home. Our spouses would be freaking out as it is close to 10. Everyone! Take out your phones and call cabs or your spouses." She turns to me and says, "You can drive back home, kiddo, right?" I smile and say, "Yes, most certainly! Do you need a lift?" She says, "Oh no! My husband is here. He doesn't let me hitchhike a ride alone when I am drunk. He is very protective." She laughs. I let out a chuckle.

As they all finally start to get up, Neha accidentally knocks the table and a shot glass falls down. Everyone starts looking at our table. The waiter quickly approaches us and Neha starts apologising frantically. I quickly take out my card and hand it over to the waiter. The waiter takes the card and turns around even before he reaches our table. I hold Neha's hand and tell her all is fine. I try to direct her attention to her husband waiting downstairs. I succeed. Everyone else starts walking merrily towards the escalator. I am relieved.

I look around. Everyone else in the cafe have directed their attention to the groups they are with. It shouldn't be a surprise to people here. Corporate office workers keep hanging out here. Some are happy, others frustrated. I am sure the sound of glass breaking must not be new here. 

However, I catch VK looking at us. Evidently, Neha is drunk the most. I am helping her but my eyes are fixed on VK. He is smiling but looks confused. Meanwhile, the waiter hands me my card. I take it and put it in my back pocket. Neha says, "I think I should sit. Can you call Sahil to come upstairs?" She hands me her phone unlocked, and I open her call logs. She then says, "Oh! I forgot to tell you! My husband's name is Sahil." I laugh and say, "I gathered that much." She laughs back. The last call was to him and so I dial and ask him to come upstairs. I sit next to her. I can no longer see VK. I did try though. 

Sahil reaches us within no time. Neha gets up to hug him and I get the perfect opportunity to get up and see VK. 

Everyone else had left so Sahil asks me, "Thanks, Sam. Thank you for staying back with her while everyone left. I am pretty sure they were all wasted. I will take her from here. Should I drop you somewhere?"

Neha, who is hanging around his neck, intervenes, "Sahil! Kiddo has a car. She is sober. She is more fit to drive than any of us here." She screams as she says the latter part. Not many look at us this time but VK does. He is the one that matters, frankly. I smile in embarrassment in his direction. He smiles back. 

I tell Sahil, "I have a car. I will be fine."

Sahil smiles and we start to walk towards the escalator. Sahil and Neha walk ahead of me. I walk right behind them. I want to stand there and stare at VK a little longer but I have no reason to stay here any longer. I look down in disappointment and start to walk. When we are close to the bar, I hear a voice from behind, "Hey! You look quite familiar. Do we know each other?" I turn around and see VK. I am startled. I cannot speak and so he says, "I know it sounds like the cheesiest pick up line but I honestly think, I know you."

I smile and say, "You are right. You once sent a friend to check up on me when you saw me cry." I didn't know if that was enough to jog down his memory but his eyes widened and it seemed like he knew who I was. 

Sahil and Neha had stop a little ahead. They are waiting for me to catch up. They turn around, I look at them and Sahil asks, "Sam! Are you coming with us?" 

I look at VK again with anticipation in my eyes. I think he understands and says, "Are you leaving already? Can we catch up? If you need a ride, I can drop you." 

I reply, "I have a car but I think you are with your friends. We can catch up sometime later, if you want." 

If my heart had arms, it would give a strong knock to my brain for doing the silliest act of my life. How can I miss this opportunity? For the first time in 9 years I get an opportunity to talk to him. I have an opportunity to know his name. How will this opportunity come again? 

He looks over to his friends and says dismissingly, "They are all drunk and are about to leave. If you are free, we can take another table and catch up. I don't want to wait another 7 years to talk to you."

He remembers. This is enough to make me stay. I know I can trust him. I know we still aren't a match but I smile and turn to Sahil, "You guys go ahead. He is an old friend. We have some catching up to do." Sahil eyes VK top to bottom intensely. He then says, "Ok! Message Neha when you get home." I nod and they turn around and leave. 

I turn to VK. He says, "Wow! That guy seriously gave me a threat with his eyes. Is he your brother?" I quickly say, "No! He is my colleague's husband." 

VK smiles. Oh God! The smile! The last image I have of him in my memories. I smile back. He extends his hand and says, "By the way! My name is Viaan Mehra." 

I am taken aback. I think my jaw just dropped. My imagination got it half right. It takes me few seconds to extend my hand. I let him hanging there. He raises his shoulders in confusion. I come to my senses and extend my hand to meet his. I say, "I am Sam. Samatha Iyer, actually." 

He smiles and says, "Its really nice to put a name to the face. So Sam! Should we get a table?"

I agree with every word. VK has become VM. It is good to know his name. I smile and say, "Sure! Let's get a table." 

As we walk towards an empty table, I realise that had he not insisted, this would have been a Brobdingnagian silliest act of my life.